Dalton,
I loved you once. A love I thought irrevocable. A love I
mistakenly believed could transcend both time and circumstance. Under the
influence of my dimwitted, naïve, traitorous heart, I became intoxicated with
what I now know was simply a figment of my self-indulgent imagination. So drunk
on the feeling, I couldn’t see what was right in front of my face. So foolishly
enamored, I blindly followed my heart into the depths of an emotion that would
ravage me.
Years later, I know now what I wish I knew then. I am
stronger. Smarter. Tougher. I will not allow myself to be broken again.
I loved you.
I raged for you.
I wept for you.
And now, I’m letting you go.
Author’s Note: Under
the Influence is the journey of two childhood friends that spans the course of
five pivotal years in their lives. It is a story about their discovery of true
friendship as it blossoms into first love, their experience of crucial sacrifice
and ultimate betrayal, and their endurance of agonizing heartbreak on the way
to finding lasting redemption.
Dalton's POV:
None of them truly
know me.
Because the truth
is, there’s nothing more frightening in my world than those who know you—who really know
you. The ones who know your deepest, darkest secrets. The ones who know what
you’re going to do
before you do it. The ones who know not only what buttons to push when they
seek your attention, but also the ones that can be used to completely
incapacitate you.
They can be your
strength.
But they can also
be your weakness.
And just as a
chameleon changes color to blend for protection, I’ve learned to
evolve into the person I need to be in order to survive the situation at hand,
all while keeping people at arm’s length.
Yet sometimes I can’t help but wonder
what my true colors would have been had I not been
subjected to this life. I question what it would be like to just let someone
in, to tell them all of your unforgivable truths and discover they still love
you in return.
I find myself
utterly fascinated, awe-struck even, that there are people actually capable of
truly loving someone without wondering when and how they will be betrayed.
However, the knowledge of their existence also saddens me because the cold
reality is I will never know that type of love. I will never know the freedom
to just be with someone, without pretense or fabrication, without the
endless lies and untruths.
Maybe that’s why I keep
holding onto Spencer when I know I shouldn’t. When all my instincts scream for me to
let her go, to cut those ties and just let her be.
I can’t.
I’m too selfish.
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